Can we ban beach photos?

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A photo I took on my most recent beach trip that isn’t myself.

I’m making a pledge this summer. If you post a photo of yourself on the beach, I won’t like it on any form of social media. I don’t care if you have the body of Emily Ratajkowski.

Can we please, please eliminate this trend of posting a photo to Instagram EVERY SINGLE TIME you go to the beach? I get it. You like the beach. But why is the picture never of a sea shell, or a sunset, or a sea gull standing on a rock?

Each beach posts usually contains the same three elements:

  1. Shot of a woman in a bikini, taken from an angle that just happens to highlight her ass or cleavage. At least one comment below will consist solely of the peach emoji.
  2. An alcoholic beverage. This will usually be in hand, but more subtle photographers may place it on a towel or on top of the cooler. This adds to the image of the care-free, beach-loving hottie a la Florida Georgia Line. She loves the beach AND loves a cold beer. How unique.
  3. A cheap caption, something like “Beach Bum” or “Summer Daze” that would be more aptly titled “Validate Me.”

Look, I love the beach as much as the next guy. But sharing a picture of yourself at the beach to social media adds nothing to your experience. It doesn’t make the sun warmer or the waves bigger. It just makes you look like a narcissist. I mean there is a whole Instagram account dedicated to boyfriends taking pictures of their girlfriends, which really highlights the how stupid the whole thing looks. You’re sitting on the beach with the person you love, the one person you actually want to impress, but still need to send out a picture of your ass to your followers? What? The day my girlfriend asks me to take a picture of her as she stares out at the ocean is the day she becomes my ex.

I don’t mean to sound like a cynic here. But the beach posts are so transparent it’s hard not to protest. The worst part is, beach models aren’t even the worst offenders. Fitness accounts and sappy couples take the top spots on that list. More on that later.

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